I just found a list of things that I wrote down after having done a good four hours of work on the computer a few days ago. I remember thinking that they were completely ingenious and hilarious, so it’ll be interesting to see if they actually were! Pretty often I’ll write something down thinking it’s the funniest thing since bouquets were called ‘nosegays’, and then look at in an hour later to see a stick figure with the words “pillow door” next to it, with ‘pillow’ underlined. Lets see how they hold up, without any embellishment or polishing.*
1. I hate when something smells and you can’t tell if it’s you or a dead animal.
2. Directors should be cool and release movies on VHS, in the same way that bands are releasing albums on vinyl.
3. It just says ‘fanny pack’; I can’t remember what the joke was but how could it have not been hilarious?
4. I wonder if Donner and Blitzen were angered when Rudolph just waltzed in and became head-reindeer. Did they ever try to bump him off? I can’t believe that the transition was seamless. The song would have us believe that ‘now all the reindeers loved him’, but is that really believable? Another layer emerges in this macabre affair when we ask how they dealt with night time deliveries before Rudolph? In fact we don’t know. No pictures or stories about the reindeers before his arrival exist; why is that? Is it possible that Rudolph was always part of the team, and the whole story was fabricated? If so for what reason? To cover up something darker than a reindeer being teased for his shiny nose? Something doesn’t quite make sense here.
5. You don’t wash your toilet so don’t piss on your hands.
6. I appreciate that unlike the other holidays, Christmas made the effort to find a synonym for ‘happy’.
7. Was there a ‘shape war’ similar to the format wars we see today, when paper was being introduced? How did the rectangle win, and how different would our world be if the circle or the triacontagon had won?
8. I wonder if kids today think that “a colon and a bracket are made up of the eyes and the mouth of a happy face” instead of “a happy face is made up of a colon and bracket”.
9. So cursive writing didn’t really catch on with our generation eh?
10. I realize that it isn’t that I “wasn’t a coffee drinker” it’s just “wasn’t someone that woke up before noon”.
* Except number four and the word ‘triacontagon’.